Don’t get me wrong: super powers are great. I mean who
doesn’t want to fly or be able to turn green and smash through a wall.
But c’mon… nobody fancies being bitten by a radioactive
mosquito.
That’s just painful – for everybody.
When Clark dresses up in his blues, people scream: It’s a bird;
it’s a plane... When Bruce started setting the scene in Gotham, criminals
started saying ‘Beware of the Batman’. All I can say is: ‘Kutte, Kamine… Mein
tera khoon pee jaoonga!’ (Translation: Dog, B@$#@%>, I will drink your
blood!). It’s like being a part of the Twilight series – except I have wider
range of facial expressions than the entire cast.
Criminals die laughing when I say that because of the irony.
You know that first time Peter Parker realized something was
up; and that he could climb walls; and was so glad that he wasn’t shooting webs
from his rear? I had a not-so-similar moment.
So, I was working from home, late one evening night and
suddenly I felt like I was choking. The air was getting thinner and nose was
starting feel numb. My feet were twisting backwards and the whole time I kept
turning left: some weird (probably prehistoric) instinct that I was going to
die if I didn’t leave immediately.
I got up and found my legs were actually backwards. I began
to fall.
But suddenly I was no longer falling. I had another pair of
hand-like-thingies sticking out of my torso (damn things tore through my
Simpsons t-shirt). My back was arching, my mouth was thinning and only a mirror
could tell me why my back was itching like a flea ridden mongrel.
Add all this agony to a screaming voice in my head saying:
‘MUST RUN, MUST FLY, NEED BLOOD!’.
I arched and turned. During my fall, I had accidently let my
water bottle slip and water had spilt all over the floor. I looked into my
reflection. I had antenas on my head and I could see a pale shimmering wing
buzzing wildly. I tried to scream. What my roommate heard was:
‘eiiiiinnnnnggghhhiiii’ (typical mosquito noise). He jumped to his feet and
reached for his mosquito racket.
He rushed to my room and I saw the joy in his eyes: One Big
Juicy Mosquito to kill. I had seen that look before. Flashbacks ran through my
head, when I had seen him wield that racket with so much panache, it could have
put Glen Maxwell or Maria Sharapova or even their love child’s moves to shame.
The voice in my head screamed louder! I panicked!
My wings began to buzz and upwards I went.
*THUD!
I hit the fan!
My villain-of-the moment saw me make my move.
‘NOW OR NEVER’, he yelled!
I flew straight at him: Mouth pointed out, trying to tell
him it was me: but all he saw was the challenge of culling the earth of the
monstrosity that was me.
Racket flies! *SWOOSH!
He gets me at my left leg’s tip. A few hair follicles singed:
still hoping that I could get out of this alive.
I tried getting up. But he was faster. He struck again!
*WHAM!
I narrowly missed the wire and hit my face against the frame
of the racket.
All the mosquito instinct powered in! I dived. Too quick for
him! He didn’t see it coming. I leaped towards the door and so did he. He tried
another backhand with his weapon. I evaded!
I had bought a moment of time.
Then I saw it: My Mosquito Sense showed me that if I jumped
up and flew straight for his head, and hit a hard right, I could get out of the
room.
My wings buzzed. His eyes were bloodthirsty.
He flung the racket and ran to get me!
Now imagine this in slow motion: I jumped! The racket coming
for me, my roommate running and screaming out loud!
The racket still coming at me, turns clockwise. I fly
towards it anti-clockwise. I see it pass me: with its morbid crackling laughter
fill my ears!
The turn executed (Top Gun Tom Cruise would be proud of me),
I focus my attention towards my charging death! His hands reach out to swat me.
He misses! I get out of his arm’s length! I’m almost there.
Just before I exit the room, I realize what caused the
choking in the first place: I had put the Mosquito Liquidator on! (I know:
suicidal right?)
I barely had a moment. I darted towards the hallway. My
balcony door was open. Trusting my wings and hoping gravity would be nice: I
JUMPED!
I made it out. The cool breeze was healing.
In the distance I heard the watchman scream,
‘M-M-M-MOCH-MOCHAAARRR!!!!’
I turned around.
My roommate was there! Still angry. I could see him mouth:
This is not over.
I knew it too: this was going to be difficult.
But like they say: One day at a time.
Up I flew, leaving the world behind.
-FIN-
